


Unloved

by andrearitsu



Series: Love Substitutes [1]
Category: Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-02
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2019-04-14 11:08:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14134830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andrearitsu/pseuds/andrearitsu
Summary: You spends the night with Yohane after an unfortunate realization, leading to the two of them sharing more than just their worries…





	Unloved

I could hear the wind playing with the tree branches outside the window. It was past midnight, yet I hadn’t been able to fall asleep. Perhaps it was the temperature of the room, it was fairly hot even at night, or perhaps it’s that I couldn’t stop thinking about these past few months.

When we decided to have a training camp I had no qualms about coming along, after all, it’s thanks to everyone in Aqours that I’m able to be myself. Still, lying alone in this dark room couldn’t help but bring back painful memories.

I’ve got no one to blame but myself. Everyone suggested we’d sleep three in each room, split up by our years. It was I who decided to leave Zuramaru and Ruby on their own and take up the empty fourth room for myself.

A fallen angel shouldn’t dwell on the past… Not that it matters now. Perhaps coming here and becoming a school idol was just another misfortunate case of me screwing up again. It’d be just my luck after all.

“Yoshi– Ehm, Yohane-chan?”

The door had slid open while I was caught in my thoughts. The moonlight lit up enough of the room for me to recognize the girl standing with her futon rolled up in her arms.

“You …san?” I was somewhat startled, “What’s the matter?”

“Is it okay if I sleep in here?”

“Huh?”

“If you don’t want me to I’ll go, I just figured I’d ask.”

There was something off about her voice. Almost like she had strained it. I sat up and waved her inside. She rolled out the futon next to me and sat down on top of it.

“I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

“Uhm… No, I was awake.”

“Good.”

The moonlight lit her up once more and I realized why her voice didn’t sound the way it used to. Her cheeks were stained and her eyes glossy. She wouldn’t look at me directly when speaking, clearly wanting to hide it.

“Have you been crying, You-san?”

“What? No… I…” She went quiet for a second, “Yes.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond to her honesty. You wasn’t someone I thought I’d see crying, she always seemed like one of the stone pillars of the group.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Huh?” I put my hand up to my chin, “Well, you can’t hide anything from my mind-reading powers.”

“…”

“Sorry, I heard it in your voice.”

“I see.”

Seeing her like this was frustrating. I wasn’t sure what to say or do, let alone if I even could help her feel any better. Before I had been able to form my thoughts You had already crawled into her sheets and faced away from me.

“You-san…”

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll feel better in the morning.”

“If…” I suddenly found myself talking without knowing the words coming out of my mouth, “If you want someone to talk to, I’m here for you.”

“Huh?”

“I know what it’s like to not have anyone to cry to. I know what it’s like to not have anyone to confide in.”

“But you barely know me…”

“I don’t care, you’re still my friend, aren’t you? If you want me to, I’ll hear you out, no matter what you need to say. I don’t want you to suffer alone.”

“…”

“And if you don’t want to say a thing to me, then fine, but I want you to know that I’m here for you, even if we don’t know each other that well.”

I took a deep breath and looked down at the older girl in front of me, she was silent. Maybe I overstepped my boundaries. Just as I was about to apologize I heard her sniffling.

Then the sniffling turned into a muffled cry as her body curled up in front of my eyes. She was crying again, not just shedding a few tears but completely tearing herself up.

“I’m sorry!” I panicked, unsure what to say or do, “I didn’t mean to put any pressure on you, I’m so sorry, I-”

“No, don’t… Don’t apologize.”

“But…”

I felt her hand reach for mine, shaking, as she turned back around with her face drenched in tears. I put my palm on top of her hand as she recovered her breath.

“Can I …tell you something?”

“Of course.”

“Something you can’t tell anybody else.”

“I’ll swear an unholy vow, so that should I break it I’d fall deeper into the depths of hell than ever before.”

She laughed, not loud or enough to break her crying, but enough for her to crack a smile.

“Okay, then I’ll tell you…”

She told me that she had feelings for her childhood friend that went beyond that of friendship. She’d known it for a long time but was afraid of admitting it to her, simply hoping she’d have her friend discover it on her own.

She didn’t tell me the name of the friend, but she didn’t need to. The more she spoke the more clear her story came together. The friend had met someone else, someone she seemed to care for even more than You.

“It’s my own fault, I waited too long. By the time I realized it I had sprinted past my chance to tell her.” she continued, “I had cemented myself as a reliable friend who could never be more than that to her.”

“I can understand why that would upset you.”

“It’s not just that though, but on top of it all I get angry. I see her happy with someone else and despite loving her so much, her happiness makes me furious.” she hid her face in her pillow, “I’m a terrible friend…”

“No, you’re not.”

“I am.” she shot up from the pillow, looking me right in the eyes, “Could you imagine being upset that the person you care the most for in the world has found happiness?”

“Well…” I took a deep breath before facing her gaze, “Yes, I can.”

“What?”

“I suppose it’s only fair I share my own secret with you, since you trusted me with yours.”

“Yoshiko…?”

“Yohane.”

“Sorry.”

“It’s not exactly the same story as yours, but it’s very similar.” I let out a sigh, was I really about to tell her this? Too late to stop now… “It started in kindergarten, a friend I made there became very special to me.”

“Was it…”

“Let’s keep names out of this.”

“Okay.”

“I didn’t know it at the time, but I had fallen for her, deeply. It was something I could never admit to her face, it’d be out of character. Not that it mattered, as we were separated later in life.”

I looked down at You’s hand, it was no longer shaking, but had instead firmly gripped on to mine. I decided to not say anything about it and continue my story.

“Eventually, we saw each other again. She was happy to see me and we’re still friends, but it was clear that someone had taken the position I so desperately had wanted to fill.”

“How did it make you feel?”

“Angry. Disappointed. Sad. I blamed myself for letting it happen, for letting her get away from me. I wanted to put a curse on them both to make them fall apart but …I couldn’t. I loved her too much and her partner was nothing but kind and sweet to her and me.”

“I guess we’re the same.”

“Sort of, yeah.”

“Yohane? Thank you for telling me about this, it made me feel a little better, a little less alone.”

“You’re welcome, I suppose.”

You moved a little closer to me, still gripping onto my hand. I wish i could have read her thoughts for real, not that it took her long to spell them out for me.

“Can i hug you?”

“What?”

“I feel like we could both use a hug right now, is it not okay?”

“I’m not really good why physical contact.”

“Oh, I see.”

“But…” I looked at the girl in front of me, meant to be my older upperclassman and the stoic stone pillar who keep our group together, now looking so frail and weak. Before I knew it I answered her request, “Okay, we can hug.”

Her arms folded onto my back as she reached across from her futon to mine. Her head placed on my shoulder as we sunk down together. I wasn’t sure how to hold her and it felt a little awkward.

“This is nice.” the girl in my arms softly admitted.

She looked up at me, right in the eyes. I could feel the heat get worse than before. Not just from the room temperature, but from You’s arms and gaze. Her bottom lip was shaking, just slightly, as she spoke again.

“Yohane… I think I’m about to do something foolish.”

Her face was so close I could almost feel our skin touching. I knew what she was about to do. I thought to stop her but instead found myself telling her the exact opposite.

“Do it.”

Our lips met, first softly and then rougher. I responded to You’s kiss without a thought as to where our actions might lead. Consequences weren’t important, not even our feelings were important right now, all that mattered was the way we touched and felt each other.

I didn’t have romantic feelings for the girl in my arms, nor did she have any for me. Yet we couldn’t stop kissing, hugging and moaning as one in this moment. It felt good and it felt right. If the two of us were doomed to be lonely then how could it be wrong for us to find solace in each other?

After our lips finally separated I felt You’s head weight down on my shoulder once again. She looked so pretty in the moonlight. It made me wish we had met under different circumstances. But maybe if we had, I wouldn’t ever had seen her like this.

“Is it okay if I fall asleep like this?”

“What if someone walks in?”

“We’ll tell them you had a nightmare.”

“Why me?”

“Because nothing scares Watanabe You.”

“Well nothing can scare a fallen angel either.”

There was no further response from the girl. She was already sound asleep on top of me. I let out a sigh and pulled my sheet over the both of us. I was ready to go to sleep when I heard her say something in her sleep.

“Chika…”

I wasn’t surprised. I had figured out who she was talking about from the very start after all. The sadness in her voice stung however.

“Chika… Don’t leave me…”

Her arms tightened around me. I put my hand on the back of her head and whispered into her ear.

“I’m not going anywhere, You-chan.”

The tension in her body slowly went away as she went back to sleeping soundly. I smiled at the girl as I felt myself falling asleep as well. I didn’t mind that she was thinking about someone else while holding me. In a way, it made me happy that someone wanted me, even in the place of someone else.

“I love you, Chika,,,”

“I love you, You-chan.”

**Author's Note:**

> Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaangst. I had this story idea stuck in my head for days so I just had to write it out. I have no idea where it’d fit into the timeline of the series. It’s just You x Yohane in the saddest context I could think of.
> 
> This fic was originally posted on my writing tumblr (http://andrea-writes.tumblr.com/).


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